Judging America(n Idol): Dear America(n Idol Voters), I Hate You

You have ruined this season for me and now you must all pay the price...
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Dear America,

Contrary to what I’ve told you and everyone believes, voting for American Idol is not an exercise of opinion when it comes to this nonsense… I don’t care how wholesome Scotty is, how adorable and ditzy Lauren is, and I definitely couldn’t give a flying... duck about Haley’s sass. James is unequivocally the most talented of the final four. His absence from here on out with be felt more than any other Idol contestant voted off this season. I don’t care about excuses and weak attempts at making me feel better. I don’t care that Daughtry was voted off fourth also…(side note: Daughtry is HORRIBLE), I don’t care to hear his fans got complacent… no they didn’t. His fans voted strong and hard but we’re not 13-year olds with nothing better to do than text “Scotty” to American Idol 547 times in one night.

Which leads me to my next irritation and request... I emphatically believe Idol should do something about the voting. One call/text/facebook vote/website vote per person, number, IP address, etc. I one million-percent believe that if there was a readout of the actual number of votes, versus the number of people who voted… James would be in the top three. We pause for a moment to let you reflect on what you’ve done, and what we’ve lost as a potential contestant for the American Idol crown.



That my friends, was years ago when I’m sure American Idol wasn’t even a blip in his consciousness yet, when he was just a metal and rock music-loving kid who wanted to sing and perform to make us happy. That is what passion and natural talent look like. James is the total, complete artist ready to make a record right now. The remaining three are watered down versions of whoever's hot in their desired genre. Speaking of genres...what is Haley aspiring to be, Adele? We already have one, babe...and on your best night you wouldn't be able to go toe-to-toe with her. Can you write? I have no idea. You keep telling America to "just wait dude, I know who I am." I don't want to wait and I don't want you to keep paying lip service to your style and ability. Dude.

Assuming you, America, finally get your shit together and this brat gets the boot, we have a Lauren/Scotty finale which is making Nigel Lythgoe and Idol producers cream in their pants at the very thought. It’s the 'Tween holy grail.. .they would have hit the friggen motherlode.  This sounds all great and exciting except I just fell asleep from boredom at the mere thought of it.

Here’s James going country. Poor Scotty will pee a little when he sees this. 

If we have Lauren and Scotty in the finale, it will be Déjà vu of last year’s finale with Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze with Lauren out-singing and out-performing Scotty yet, still falling short. A Haley/Scotty finale is so painful to imagine, I won’t allow it. A Haley/Lauren finale would be the most interesting and if memory serves  it would be the first all-girl Idol finale since Season Three (Fantasia Barrino and Diana DeGarmo).

Basically people, you messed up big time this go ‘round. I can’t even guide you in a direction that will rectify it because the drivel we’re left with is so unimaginative and mundane I’m physically in pain. I’m so irritated and done with my optimistic “Oh, America won’t choose looks, shtick or popularity over actual, living and breathing talent…AGAIN” stance because you’re wrong and will always get it wrong. The one thing you can do is go out and buy the record of the fourth place contestant’s album when it’s released and come back and tell me I was wrong…because I won’t be and I’m calling now that James Durbin outsells whoever the unlucky winner of this season is going to be.

I leave you with the most unforgettable moment of the Idol season this year.


Shame on you America,


James Durbin - American Idol