Three very special people in my life are struggling today. They're in three different places -- geographically and emotionally -- and I can't be. Of course it's also dawned on me even I could, I'm not sure how much I could really do for any of them.
I've summoned the power of prayer and positive thinking. I believe in those powers yet they remain a mystery to me.
I want to help them all but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for any of them, and I feel like shit. I've felt waves of anguish overflow their banks with such power and force I've had to place my hand on my neck, trying to coax intermittently constricting airways to open just a little wider. I'm pretty sure that's not helping them.
Now I need someone to help me not feel like shit because I can't help them, which is striking me as kind of fucked up, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be futile as well.
So where does that leave us? I'm not sure if this is nowhere but it feels like it right now.
I've listened to Mat Kearney's "Closer To Love" 20 times or more in a row. It doesn't tell the story of any of these three loved ones nor does it attempt to give voice to what they're feeling nor does it capture it feels like to watch it all unfold. Except that it kind of does. I don't know what this song means to Kearney. I'm not not even sure what it means to me. I wasn't expecting one song to fit all but this was the first one I reached for. It hasn't fixed anything but I needed a song, a message, and a companion for whatever this is. I needed something, and I found it. I still don't know where this is or how we -- they, I -- get out of here but maybe this is a start.